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memoirs. (forty iv)

from Lacuna by Defcee and knowsthetime

/

lyrics

I made an escape tunnel outta paper
Back when my classmates were getting higher than Taylor…
Gang. Experimentin with crack cocaine,
Held back a grade lookin older than their age.
Some of my heroes did dooooooooope…
Some of em did time. Some of em did both.
Some of em put coats on my back like cloaks
And sent me back to my parents’ crib smellin like smoke.
Laughin like a jackal, puffin on that killer kill,
but broke down Pac lyrics like villanelles.
That white girl had em thinner than sickle cells,
And ceckin through their pockets like it was prison mail.
They tried to bring God to my house
Like they were W.D. Fard in the South,
But I was too atheist to be self-righteous,
Somewhere between a cure and another virus.
Not a pimp, just had blood on my wingtip.
A bird that flew crooked--I made the sky my quilt.
Said a lot that most of these dudes wouldn’t.
Nothing to fall back on. I burned a few cushions.
Yeah, it’s ten years later...and I’m still trippin.
Been the same since “Ridin Dirty” and “Still Tippin.”
Under construction--this the sound of the drill clickin.
I can’t stand the rain, and my sill drippin.
I can’t tell you how close I was to killswitchin.
Broke in college, Ramen cookin and pill pitchin.
Church taggin, plate robbin, and till strippin,
But my spine didn’t break...cuz my will didn’t.
When the drugs was just pillows for the pain,
Head on my neck like a willow in the rain.
Class skipped, room dark, wiltin in the shade,
Music so loud it knocked windows from their panes.
Felt like Ali throwin his medal in the river
Cuz I won when I ain’t want it, but I never been a quitter.
I’m a composite sketch of all of my lost battles.
Bruises on my face. Throwin hands with my long shadow.
Crooked eyes over the wrinkles that’s in my button-up.
Suckin in my gut, and thinkin about a tummy tuck,
But everything I want’s in my palm like a touchscreen.
I’m godbody, man--planets in my bloodstream.

credits

from Lacuna, released December 1, 2019
(I. Carroll, A. Levin)

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